When I moved to London in my early twenties, me and Johnny Hostile had a real obsession with the band Suicide. Being a duo onstage ourselves, the inspiration was obvious, but it was more than that. The simplicity of the music and the investment into the live performances played a very large part into our imagination as artists and our first steps onstage. Other musicians would impose their mark on us equally, Johnny Cash and June Carter, The Cramps, The Kills… People whose lives and commitment to music (and to each other) felt exactly like something we were experiencing ourselves. We felt we belonged to the same family tree, each of us a different branch. But Suicide was at the root of it all.
Last summer, in 2015, the Barbican organised a ‘A Punk Mass’ in honour of the NYC band Suicide. The evening was to comprise of new solo work from both Martin Rev and Alan Vega, classic Suicide material, as well as ‘collaborations with famous fans’.
I turned up at the Barbican in the afternoon because I had been invited to take part in a very unusual choir which was opening the evening. We rehearsed the different vocal variations, which were all improvised, in a small room at the Barbican. The conductor was a very strange man and although I was with my friends from Bo Ningen, I remember wanting to run away the minute we started practising. I didn’t want to leave my friends behind though, so I stuck to the task for the rest of the night.
Before the show started, I met with Henry Rollins backstage. We had been talking on emails before but had never met properly. We had a very nice conversation about Jazz and his friendship with Alan and Martin. He said he was going to perform ‘Ghost Rider’ with them later on. The backstage area started to get crowded. I was hanging out with my friends from Bo Ningen and met Bobby Gillespie, who was there to perform ‘Dream Baby Dream’.
Alan Vega and Martin Rev performed their solo stuff separately. The crowd loved it but you could sense they were getting eager to hear the classics. At some point, Suicide’s manager came to me and said “do you want to perform ‘Dream Baby Dream’ with Bobby later on?” At first I didn’t know what to say. “Does Bobby want me to do that?” I asked. It felt weird to tag along without asking him first. Also, what do Alan and Martin think? Before I could get a proper answer from the manager, he was already walking away. I asked several people around me for their thoughts but I soon got the impression that no one really knew what was going on. “Believe me, I don’t even know when I’m supposed to go on!” said Henry with a tone of excitement and surprise in his voice.
Bobby came back after a while and we talked about the idea to sing ‘Dream Baby Dream’ together. He responded with a “fuck-yeah-come-with-me-let’s-do-it” attitude which felt convincing at the time. I said I would follow him and see what happens. I was right behind him as he walked to the side of stage. At this point, people were standing on their seats at the front row, clapping along and screaming. There was a palpable feeling of wildness and chaos in the air, the like of which I had never felt before. It was so peculiar, a weird sensation of uncertainty when entering the hall. Like time standing still at this awkward edge between disgust and longing that left you wondering if everything had just stopped or was just about to begin. We stood at the side of the stage for a few minutes next to the crowd who were all standing up now. Henry was finishing ‘Ghost rider’ onstage with Martin and Alan. I felt so nervous. I grabbed Bobby’s arm and said “I can’t do this, you go alone”. “No way” he said “You’re coming with me”, and he rushed to the stage. “Damn, fuck!” I murmured and followed.
At this point Alan Vega had left the stage. He had simply followed Henry when Henry stepped out after his song. Later, I’d be told that he didn’t want to finish the show, and they had to push him back onstage. Martin Rev was playing the intro of ‘Dream Baby Dream’ on his organ, turning his back on me and Bobby. It was all a blur at this point, I wasn’t sure what to do. I kept close to Bobby, waiting for him to start. He lunged like a rock star on his first line: ‘Dream baby dream, dream baby dream, dream baby dream…’ literally reaching for the people on the front row. He had such confidence that it came as a chock at first. I thought “Oh wow. Ok. let’s go with that!” I joined him and we sung together for a few minutes, then stopped. Alan had reappeared onstage, probably pushed by his wife and Henry. We looked at him, waiting for him to sing the song, but he wouldn’t. Martin was still playing and he kept turning back to shout “Alan! Alan! Alan!” to not much effect. After what seemed an eternity, Alan finally raised the microphone up to his mouth and mumbled the words with an incomprehensible soft voice, then stopped again and kept staring at us. Bobby did a couple more lunges and touched a few more hands on the front row singing “Dream Baby Dream” to fill the gap, but Alan’s silence was persistent and his stare was starting to freak me out. “Does he want us to get the fuck off his stage?” I thought. The whole thing felt like a beast with too many heads.
That’s when I heard a voice I hadn’t heard before coming out of the speakers. It sounded like someone in the crowd (a child?) had grabbed a microphone and started singing along, completely arrhythmically and out of tune. I looked everywhere in front of me but couldn’t see anyone with a microphone. I looked behind me and there was a very young boy with dark hair onstage staring at me with a grin holding a microphone with his both hands and singing ‘Dream Baby Dream…’ He wasn’t actually singing, but more ‘talking’ the words. What I didn’t know then was that this boy was Alan Vega’s son. The crowd didn’t seem disturbed at all by the surrealism of the scene (I know I was!) Some people were still standing on their seats and singing along. Alan, who had walked back to his big chair onstage, didn’t show any intention of singing anymore. I felt it was time to leave the stage for good.
Before the end of the song me and Bobby walked down the stairs to the backstage area, probably looking bemused. Bobby turned to me: “Well, at least we did it.” he said “we’re the only people on this planet who can say they have performed with Suicide - except for Henry Rollins.” I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way before.